Divorce mediation is one of several options for Connecticut couples who are divorcing and/or seeking to resolve their child custody matter. As with litigation or the collaborative process, mediation has unique strengths and considerations when determining whether it is the appropriate process option for you and your spouse or co-parent. Below is what you can expect from the mediation process.
What is divorce mediation?
Divorce mediation is a confidential, voluntary process in which a neutral third party mediator works with divorcing spouses or separating parents to reach their own agreements and resolve their issues involving property division, financial support, child custody, parenting plans, and post-judgment modification of financial or custody orders. Mediation allows the participants to maintain privacy and to remain the decision-makers for their family. In turn, this can reduce conflict and allow the agreements to be more durable because the participants created the agreements themselves.
A mediator is someone who has received specialized training who works to guide conversations, reframe issues, and assist spouses or parents understand the other person’s interests and perspectives. Some mediators are family law attorneys, while others are mental health professionals or financial professionals. In certain cases, co-mediation is used – for example, an attorney mediator may work with a financial or mental health professional when there are complex financial issues or sensitive custody concerns. Any mediator involved in the process must be agreed upon by both participants.
Typically, mediation involves one mediator and two participants. The two participants are encouraged to consult individually with an attorney. Your consulting attorney will not typically participate in the mediation sessions but can answer any questions you have, review agreements drafted by the mediator, and provide you with individualized advice in light of your goals and interests.
Before you pick mediation
To determine whether mediation is an appropriate option for you, you should meet with an experienced family law attorney who can fully describe the various ways to resolve your divorce or child custody issues, including mediation, collaboration, or litigation. An experienced family attorney who is trained in all of these process options can more fully explain the full menu of services so that you can determine, with the assistance of a lawyer, which option is best for you based upon the unique facts and circumstances of your life, goals, and the dynamics of your relationship with your spouse or co-parent.
The role of the mediator
A mediator’s role includes:
- Explaining the process and legal landscape of your particular issues
- Facilitating balanced, productive discussions
- Helping gather and organize necessary information, including working with other professionals to address particular issues, such as valuing a business or piece of real estate
- Brainstorming potential options with participants to resolve their issues
- Supporting and enabling both participants to be able to articulate their interests and concerns and to feel heard
- Drafting the settlement agreement
A skilled mediator can manage different communication styles, navigate conflict, and introduce creative solutions that may not be available in court.
Because the mediator is neutral, both participants are the mediator’s clients. The mediator has ethical obligations to each participant and cannot withhold information that is material to the ongoing discussions or negotiations. If such information comes up, a skilled mediator will assist a participant in the disclosure of the material information in a way that can be digested and discussed.
What to expect from your first mediation session
Unlike litigation which occurs in a courtroom, divorce mediation takes place in a conference room of a law office or over Zoom. The process is private and confidential. Scheduling is often more flexible than in divorce litigation as a mediator may be able to accommodate your schedule to avoid work or childcare conflicts. Mediation sessions often last one to two hours and occur every few weeks, depending upon individuals’ schedules and the work to be completed between sessions.
The first session is largely organizational. The mediator will explain how mediation works, review timelines and expectations, and discuss what information needs to be exchanged. The participants may discuss methods for valuing assets during the first meeting. For instance, if you and your spouse own a home, you may discuss methods of valuing your home during your first session (e.g. appraisal, comparative market analysis, online valuation, agreement on a value, tax assessment value) and how you want to value your home for the mediation process. Thereafter, the mediator will assist in next steps for completing said valuation if needed.
In mediation, you should receive an agenda of the topics that will be addressed during an upcoming session. Issues to be discussed may include property division, expenses to maintain a property, cash flow and support, parenting schedules and custody, and emerging concerns as the children adjust to the separation. Participants can add agenda items to a session if topics become time-sensitive or need to be addressed to keep the process moving forward.
After each session, the mediator will prepare a written summary or minutes, which form the foundation for future discussions. Between sessions, participants will need to complete “homework,” such as gathering financial documents and information to allow the participants to be able to make informed decisions on topics during their upcoming sessions.
How long does mediation take?
The number of mediation sessions depends on several factors, including the number and complexity of the issues involved and the temperament and communication styles of the participants. Mediation often takes less time than litigated cases and may range between three (3) to six (6) months. By comparison, traditional litigation often takes at least nine (9) to twelve (12) months in Connecticut.
What happens if an agreement is reached?
The mediator will draft a comprehensive settlement agreement memorializing all of the agreements and resolutions that the participants came to. Participants review the draft agreement, share the draft with their consulting counsel, and provide feedback or questions to the mediator. It is common for there to be several drafts before the agreement is finalized. Once the participants are comfortable with the revised agreement, the participants sign the agreement, and the mediator will help prepare the necessary court paperwork and file the agreement with the court to be made an order.
What if an agreement is not reached?
If mediation stalls or becomes unproductive, there are other options. Some participants may choose to advance to the collaborative process, where they will receive additional professional support during the sessions, while others will proceed to traditional litigation. If mediation ends, the mediator cannot represent either spouse or parent in future litigation or collaborative representation.
Pros and cons of mediation
Compared to litigation, mediation is often a less adversarial option that allows you and your spouse to make decisions together and control the outcome that will impact your family. Unlike court proceedings, mediation is private, allowing you to resolve your matter confidentially. Mediation often takes considerably less time and is less expensive than litigation.
However, mediation is not appropriate for all divorces. It may not be an appropriate process option in circumstances where one party is not willing to be provide financial information, where one party is unable to make and adhere to agreements outside of the mediation session, or where there are interpersonal dynamics between the parties that make it difficult for one person to articulate his or her thoughts or make decisions in real time. If there is an imbalance of power or financial acumen among the spouses, this difference may challenge a mediation process but with a skilled family law mediator should be able to be addressed within the process.
Tips for a successful mediation
Mediation is more likely to proceed smoothly and efficiently if you and your spouse or co-parent:
- Gather documents efficiently and completely
- Complete homework between sessions in a timely fashion
- Ask questions when they arise
- Set realistic goals based on your interests
- Value privacy and want to keep retain decision-making about your family
- Stay open to alternative solutions: When brainstorming options, try replacing an immediate “no” with: “What would I need for this option to work for me?” This mindset often leads to more creative and workable outcomes.
The family law attorneys at Ruel Burns Feldman Kukucka & Britt, LLC have extensive experience serving as trusted advisors and representing clients in divorces, child custody matters, modifications, and appeals in Connecticut. In addition to traditional litigation, the firm handles mediation and collaborative divorce. If you are considering a divorce or seeking a modification or appeal of your divorce, alimony, or child custody orders, contact our family law attorneys at 860-206-9096 or online.